The Not So Great Escape
The Secret Life of Henry VIII
The Abused Dancer
After everyone left, she did endless pirouettes on his grave.
My One Day at the Donut Factory
“Holes. You were supposed to make holes in them.”
I Am Human Now
“It took me two marriages and three kids, but I finally got there.”
21st Century Man – A Study
“I post, therefore I am.”
A Tradition of Killing
“Daddy, what do you do for a living?”
The Art of Procrasti
The Bear That Hated Spring
He woke up and discovered the hedgehogs had, once again, glued all the furniture to the ceiling of his cave.
Last Visit to Nan
“Why didn’t she just hand me the money,” he sobbed on the witness stand.
The Needle Killer
“He won’t remember me doing this when he’s older,” his mother kept telling herself.
The Tragedy of Flight 147
“I dare you,” seven year old Michael teased his brother, who had his hands firmly on the lever of the door.
The Execution of a Farmer Boy
“I lost all faith when I realised not all caterpillars turn into butterflies.”
He always lost on points.
Then, one morning, she started putting a milligram of polonium in his coffee.
The Ghost in the GPS
“Oh, great, the middle of the night and it’s sending me into a dead end street.”
The Cubist Cow
My Life as an Art Critic, 1984-1996
“It’s all a load of bollocks, actually.”
The Small Book of Self-Deprecation