Instructions: Board plane. Crave Gin&Tonic. Take train. You will need:
two souls, one star screwdriver, one hammer, five hours. (note: if you buy
ticket from New Street to Oxford, mother and daughter will have a two
hour wait. ‘Pleased to see you’ will be the impression still pressed upon
their smiles and your memory. Hammer short dowling rods into the slots
provided on the end of long side boards. Screw in screws (four for each)
Spend first night out with cocktail-drinking teenage son down The Swan.
Watch his cocky chums swing their cues, vape machines and bags in car
park. Slot in metal cylinder locks. Take lower headboard and foot board.
Hammer and lock side boards. Crave Gin&Tonic. Nurse hangover, Net-
flix and chill for the day. Hug daughter’s friend and new puppy. Step in
puddle of wee. Dowl, screw and hammer upper headboard to lower head-
board. Daughter. Sixteen. New bed. Adult. Male. History of worn beds,
broken parts, bent supports. Spend an awkward-to-fun-filled four hours
in Oxford with daughter shopping. Bond. Converse around relationships
and teenage love. Crave Gin&Tonic. Buy John Lydon and Viv Albertine
books. Allow daughter to take your arm. Three choices 1) feel great. 2)
feel tense 3) crave Gin&Tonic. Talk about beds on the bus home. Screw
in steel support strips along side boards. Set mattress to ‘high’. Pick up
heavy middle support bar off daughter. Slot bar down the middle of bed
frame. Nurse daughter’s shoulder. Buy Gin&Tonic. The queen-size bed
frame is now complete. Talk about dowling rods, slots, screws, making
a bed, lying on it, being queen of the Allen key, getting it right first time
like the song, but if you get it wrong you get it right next time by fixing
supports. Lay slats. Lay mattress. Sip Gin&Tonic. Spread out 500 thread
count white cotton sheet. Lie on memory foam. Leave lasting impression.
Please note we are currently welcoming submissions for our Poem of the Week slot on the theme of ‘Strange Bedfellows’ until 15 June 2016 — see below for full details:
Please read the full requirements on our Submissions page, before sending your work.
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