Welcome Hopheads! It’s time for the monthly round-up of all the latest brews guaranteed to give you a fuzzy tongue the next day. We’ve got IPAs, lagers, and a truly stunning new microstout from Sexy Brendan’s Funky Brews in Sligo. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself slightly creeped out by the pictures of the beers, we hired Terry Richardson to do the photos. All right! Let’s drink some beers and try to find something interesting to say about them!
Not All IPAs
About The Beer
Drogheda-based Actually Breweries have just released this stonking new IPA in time for the summer online arguing season.
At a macho 7%, two of these will sustain you for hours of arguing about feminism in popular culture without making you so drowsy that you lose track of your rock solid logic and curl up into a ball wondering why nobody talks to you in real life
Wow! the first sip of this IPA is bitter. Really bitter. It’s so bitter that I almost posted the home address of a female game developer online before I’d even swallowed it. The second sip is also bitter. And the third. By the time I was halfway through I’d changed all my profile pics to anime girls. I finished my first Not All IPAs and immediately rang every one of my ex-girlfriends and called them SJWs. I had two more and woke up the next morning to find myself the proud owner of eighteen twitter accounts devoted to hurling gendered abuse at anyone who disagrees with me.
Reissued Vinyl Stout
About The Beer
A brand new stout from boutique craft beerlatier Beer & Sebastian. A perfect accompaniment to chastely holding hands with your lover for hours while listening to slight men singing about chastely holding hands with their lovers for hours.
Beer & Sebastian have managed to get this fey enigma to clock in at just 1.2%. Three pints of this should be enough to get even the most withdrawn aesthete to move their hips slightly when they dance. If you look at the picture on the left you might notice that Reissued Vinyl is quite light in colour for a stout. Beer & Sebastian claim that this reduces the chances of the beer clashing with the neutral, earth tones that their core customers tend to wear.
This is quite unlike any stout I’ve ever experienced. It tastes like putting on your favourite cardigan and waiting for a bus. It tastes like the light gleaming off your favourite album as you remove it from its sleeve and lower the needle. It tastes like the day you and your best friend found a rope swing in the woods and nearly kissed. In summary, Reissued Vinyl Stout tastes like vignettes of young adulthood that you never experienced but saw in a music video once.
3.5/5 hand-made badges
Original Bolognese Red Ale
About The Beer
When one thinks of Italian beers one thinks of the likes of Peroni and other trash which is below the notice of craft beer experts like ourselves. New Italian brewer Dolmio seems to be trying something different with their Original Bolognese Red Ale. It comes in a stylish jar instead of a bottle (very 2015) and it’s a thick red ale instead of the by-the-book lagers you get in your local Italian restaurant.
Dolmio have bravely chosen not to include the alcohol content on the jar. Judging by mouthfeel and how sick we felt after we drank the whole thing, we reckon it’s at least 16%. Considering a jar of Original Bolognese costs approximately €2.50, this is excellent value for the craft beer enthusiast on a budget.
Red ales usually have strong hints of coffee on the tongue but Original Bolognese is something wholly different. Would you be surprised if we told you the top note in this beer was…tomatoes? We were shocked too but it really works. In fact, Original Bolognese is packed full of flavours that are almost entirely absent from the craft beer market; tomatoes, garlic, other tomatoes, the flavours just keep coming. It’s exciting, it’s new, it’s in a jar, this is craft beer in 2015. We are genuinely privileged to be alive to experience the exciting new places that Dolmio is taking craft beer. Be warned though, a little goes a long way, it sits on the stomach like the heaviest of stouts. Regardless, we love it.
5/5 spicy meatballs