Looking for any couples who don’t have a favourite supermarket. Anonymity available if required. #JournoRequest

Have you ever seen that episode of Quantum Leap where Sam is a baseball player? Small fee available. #JournoRequest

Can you see any babies right now? How many? If it’s more than four please contact me. Must be available to travel to London at a moment’s notice. The Doctor waits for no man. #JournoRequest

Could you play Blister In The Sun for my friend? She just started working for the Guardian and her boyfriend broke up with her. #JournoRequest

Have you ever closed a door without opening a window and realised that your mother was right, you’ll never be a god like your brother, God? #JournoRequest

Do you have a nagging sense that you’re somehow indirectly responsible for the death of Michael Jackson? Anonymity guaranteed. #JournoRequest

Have you ever voyaged to the distant land of Journore to avenge your village and lift an ancient curse? Did you have loyal, stout companions and one newcomer whom you didn’t trust and for a while it seemed like you were correct in your distrust but in the end the newcomer saved your life and you couldn’t have lifted the ancient curse without them? #JournoreQuest

What do you get when you fall in love? Is it a guy with a pin to burst your bubble? Is that what you get for all your trouble? #JournoRequest

Did you think that Accrington Stanley was a fictional place for years because of that Ian Rush milk ad and only found out that it was real place relatively recently? Would you be comfortable with people calling into a radio show to laugh at you and call you terrible, vicious names? Please contact me. #JournoRequest

A reporter, reporting - HeadStuff.org
slidin into ur dms to ask if you own the rights to that photo u just posted

Looking for mums ages 30-50 who can name at least three members of Napalm Death’s original lineup. Please RT #JournoRequest

Are you sick of being told what to do by those fat cats in city hall? Are you willing to dress up as a pigeon in a onesie which represents governmental waste and the ever-encroaching nanny state? For free? Get in touch. #JournoRequest

Buy a newspaper. #JournoRequest

Seriously, buy a newspaper. #JournoRequest

Have you ever seen a seagull that looks like a celebrity? Was it gas? Tell me all about it. #JournoRequest

Looking for anyone who’s ever met a dog and then later when you met the dog again, it acted like it didn’t know you. Stupid stuck-up dog. #JournoRequest

Did you know that some ice cream vans also sell drugs? Do you know how you can tell which ones have drugs & ice cream and which ones just have ice cream? Is there a code? Discretion guaranteed. #JournoRequest

Do you remember when Sky One used to show an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation at five o’clock and then repeat it at ten o’clock? Did you ever watch the same episode twice in a day? Would you like to grab a coffee and reminisce about what a huge nerd you were? #JournoRequest

Were you present at the crucifixion of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ? Did you take that picture that you posted to Twitter of the Lamb of God raising his bloodied head one last time to look at a father who had forsaken him? Could we use it on KFCJ News? We’ll credit you of course. #JournoRequest

Let me know when you’ve bought that newspaper though, yeah? #JournoRequest

images via huffingtonpost.com and scienceblogs.com