Pure Awkward |12| Kate Speaks

I should probably introduce myself. My name is Kate. I am one of the three girls who own Brody.

First things first. I think it’s necessary to highlight that Brody is hard work to live with. He may have portrayed himself as being a breeze. Let me clear that up from the start. There isn’t a bone in Brody’s body, which is easy.

When we decided to adopt Brody we didn’t expect the outcome. Let’s just say, the slogan: Adopt Don’t Shop, had us questioning their motives.  Now, we are all weak for him but when he arrived into to us he was like a demon. I mean that, genuinely. It was like the exorcist. When we adopted him he had already broken up two homes. His first owner got a divorce (we are not entirely sure he wasn’t in some way involved, actually we are all convince he was involved). He then went to a family and very suddenly appeared back online after having been there weeks before and then taken down. Apparently, the woman who adopted him backed out at the last minute. A problem with her landlord. “Backed out,” my arse! She was a wise woman. So in the midst of ruining families he arrived to us.  We had a trial period with him for two weeks. I think myself, Ellen and Anna can safely say, it was the worst two weeks we have ever put down. He ate everything. socks, handbags, purses, we have all lost knickers and bras. He never stopped barking. He would disappear for a single moment and you would come upon broken glasses, pee and vomit. There were times that we were convinced we were auditioning for some kind of animal remake of a horror film. There were days when he barked and peed and ate everything belonging to us that we considered if it was some kind of horrible joke and within moments a camera crew would appear around the corner with a banner saying: Jokes! We are taking him back, it was all an experiment!

He never stopped. When people asked us about how things were going we had to lie:

“Oh God, he’s a bit bold but sure he’s such a dote!” Dote? Devil, more like. We couldn’t bring ourselves to look at each other and say, we should send him back. He’s horrific. I think about five days passed and we all hated him. An actual adoption horror story. They don’t put that on the ads: Adopt this dog and he will literally turn you grey. He is the end of days.  

In fact he has opened our eyes to what owning a dog is actually like. You cut poo out of their arses, you clean up sick, you give out. You don’t even want to look at them and then you watch an episode of Super Vet and you can’t contain yourself. You find yourself holding him and sobbing in the kitchen. Every now and then he is busy sleeping and his paws are all tucked up underneath him and you’re bawling just looking at him. Seriously, you wonder if you have ever loved anything as much in your life. It’s actually disgusting how much you love something that is that annoying and smells that much. He’s an asshole but he is our asshole. Do people feel this way about kids? It’s probably not kosher to say. Here’s our small fella, he’s an absolute bastard 99% of the time but then when he falls asleep I feel weak with the love I have for him. All curled up on the couch with his little black paws. Snoring away.

Holy God, it makes me emotional just to write about it. I’m weak.

Main image via jiji.ng