Myers in Controversy
Kevin Myers has courted a lot of controversy through the views he espoused in his column for the Irish Independent. Now The Sunday Times have published (and swiftly deleted) a column where he argued that pay disparity between the genders comes down to the merit of work produced. He somehow meanders towards identifying Jewish female TV presenters as getting paid more because it was in their nature as Jews to demand more money.
With the political climate delicate enough as it is, people were enraged by this. People with social media accounts, roundly criticising the journalist many of them had only just discovered. People outside Ireland aren’t as familiar with him and his back-story; they end up being unfair for not considering his views within their proper context.
Kevin Myers is a shape-shifting lizard from another planet.
[perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#F48A21″ class=”” size=””]Myers would actually be considered a political moderate in his home galaxies of the Arterion Nebula[/perfectpullquote]
On his home planet of Nova Reptilion they have a ruthless society built upon avarice, conquest and blood. It is a very tough background to come from. His species are like 7ft-tall velociraptors with impenetrable scales and the ability to shape-shift into animals of comparable body mass. They also have powerful hind legs that have not only been known to reach running speeds of over 40 kilometres per hour but have claws capable of gripping onto walls and ceilings. So what can you really understand of the hurly-burly of contemporary Reptilionese life? While Myers’ views may appear ultra-conservative to us he would actually be considered a political moderate in his home galaxies of the Arterion Nebula. Just try to see things from his point-of-view, which is largely infrared-based.
A central rite of passage on Nova Reptilion is known as “The Throne of Skulls” where newborns are pitted against each other to see which one is the quickest at constructing a throne out of the skulls of its vanquished opponents. The winner is showered with glory, wealth and the service of any remaining survivors as their serfs. Kevin Myers was one of these serfs and you can just imagine the dishonour he brought upon his bloodline. His birth name is difficult to spell as the Reptil language consists of complex screeching. Rest assured it is even more hated there than “Kevin Myers” is on his adopted home-world of Earth.
With such cultural stigma attached to these legions of slaves the only way for them to opt out of this shameful existence is by applying for the Reptilionese diplomatic corps. This is where they travel to any planet with advanced mammalian life-forms, to live among them and study their ways, preparing for the “Orgy of Blood” where the species in question is slaughtered & devoured on a cataclysmic scale.
These are sadly the Reptilionese’s plans for us humans as we are considered something of a delicacy because of the amount of iron in our blood, the extra meat our obesity epidemic provides and brains made juicy by the amount of sorrow and bad memories we can hold in them. Kevin Myers is one of many Reptilionese stationed here to observe us anthropologically and live among us as provocative journalists.
[perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#F48A21″ class=”” size=””]Myers is stationed here to observe us anthropologically and live among us as a provocative journalist[/perfectpullquote]
It is unwise to speak out against the Reptilionese and their journalism. It’s true that they raise facile arguments against established facts and compassionate values, so that public discourse becomes so riddled with misinformation, the groundwork is laid for the Orgy of Blood. But if you think you can challenge that, know what you’re bringing on yourself. They emit a high-pitched shriek that is not only loud enough to perforate human eardrums but it can even be focused as a sort of sonic blast to disable our electrical equipment. And they will use this when they are provoked by accusations they push stereotypes, fallacies and laboured edginess.
It may be uncomfortable to think that someone like Kevin Myers, a disgraced serf freed through the Reptilionese diplomatic programme, could be living among us, his lizard form contorted into a vaguely human husk. But don’t be so hard on him. Think of how terrified he must be, of returning to any corner of the Arterion Nebula. His comparatively centrist stances on a whole range of social issues, would mark him as weak, without honour and unworthy to carry the lizard-blood of the Great Skyfather coursing through his veins. Think of how difficult he must find household tasks on Earth. He’s so intellectually impaired he thinks climate change and the Holocaust are hoaxes because he doesn’t understand how facts work. Of course, one could consider how terribly confused and smushed he must feel, his lizard-brain tight and cramped inside that human husk.
If, to your human mind, you find his views horrifically offensive, disgusting and backward, do not fear him. We must face such ignorant worldviews openly, with courage such as the Reptilionese showed on the molten lava flats, to establish their Fourth Dynasty, in a war which shall long be remembered in legend and song. Whilst aspiring to the bravery of the Reptilionese let us not be hard-hearted like them; let us not lose the thing that makes us human – our hearts. The Reptilionese shall rip them from our chests soon enough to feast upon in the great Orgy of Blood.
Hail Great Skyfather! May the stars be quenched by the blood you shed, so that All, in the void and the firmament, and in the Realm of the Seven Dragons, shall surrender to you in darkness! #maga
Main image via YouTube