That evening B-Man pulled up outside Paddy’s house in the B-mobile. It was still light out, the artificially created clouds created by Dr. Viking’s weather machine had dissipated leaving the city to bask in a warm summer’s evening. Albeit with a much larger amount of melting snow than usual. B-Man walked in the front gate, closing it after him. He walked down the left hand side of the house, down a little gravel path and into the back garden. He knocked out a tune on the door of the Fortress of Sheditude and Paddy let him in, handing him a bottle as he entered.
“Wasdat?” asked B-Man nodding his head at a map of Limerick and the surrounding area while popping off the bottle cap with his lighter. The map had various colour pins stuck into it, distributed around the city.
“I’m trying to figure out where himself is keeping that weather machine. It can’t be too far away from the city or else he wouldn’t get in in time to rob the place.”
“Yeah, I reckon your right, any idea whereabouts?”
Paddy frowned and took a sip from his own bottle. “No. I honestly don’t have a clue.”
They sipped their beers in silence for a while, staring at the map, willing it to give them an answer.
“Ah bugger this!” said B-Man “We’ll never figure it out just sitting here.”
“Yer right. We need somewhere that overlooks the whole city so we can spot where something weird is happening. Clarion?”
“Yeah, good reception up there. Can stream the Munster match on the phone.”
“Grand so. Want to drive or will we take a wormhole?”
B-Man looked down at his almost empty beer, Krapperburger, 8.5%. “Eh, reckon I’ll give the driving a miss. Could bring along a few more of these though.”
Paddy grabbed a few bottles and the two made their way outside and locked the shed. With a thought, Paddy opened up a gaping rip in the very fabric of space and time, ignoring all the laws of nature known to man. Well, all men except Paddy. Our dashing heroes stepped through and out onto the roof of the Clarion hotel.
They took up their customary spots by a large heat vent and started on their second beer, scanning the cityscape as night descended.
“This is nice stuff” belched out B-Man. “What is it?”
“Tis porter. Made in Limerick ya know. JJ’s Stout from Kilmallock. Good stuff alright.”
“Kilmallock? Na Pairsaigh, like? Pack of bastards.”
“Sure they’re always winning the hurling, the pricks. Can’t they just give the other teams a go? Take a dive now and again. Like Kilkenny should, the bastards. Poor old Tipp, gettin’ to the final and gettin’ the shit kicked out of them almost every year. It’s not right.”
“True enough, but would you not say that their continued success is down to the dedication they put into the sport? The endless hours of training and fitness work while still having to go to work or college?”
“Nah, they’re a bunch a bastards. And another thing…” B-Man paused and started squinting in the direction of Cahirdavin, across the Shannon. Due to his amazing bee powers he was uniquely able to see disturbances in the earth’s magnetic fields. He could see enormous amounts of magnetic energy streaming out from a structure on the summit of Cratloe Hill. The waves of energy were concentrating over Cahirdavin, right over Thomond Park where Munster was due to play New Zealand in a test match in less than thirty minutes.
“The bastard!” said B-Man venomously.
“Look there, above Thomond Park.” B-Man pointed with his bottle for extra emphasis.
Paddy looked in the direction of the lovely stout. Storm clouds were gathering over the stadium, like a big dark grey bum pooping snow and lightening.
B-Man turned to Paddy, “It’s coming from Cratloe Hill, from the big golf ball lookin yoke.” He took another look, “Better get there now, it’s only getting stronger and there’s a full crowd in the stadium tonight.”
Paddy nodded and opened a wormhole just in front of them. They exited outside the big golf ball thing and burst into action like the supermen they were.
Two Robovikings were standing guard outside. Paddy zapped one of them out over the Atlantic, while B-Man threw his bottle at the other, smashing him full force in the face, knocking him out. The duo reached the reinforced metal door and paused for a moment. Paddy put his finger to his mouth letting B-Man know to keep quiet. He rapped on the door a couple of times. A couple of seconds later a Roboviking opened the door and B-Man punched him in the nose, he staggered backwards and fell with a resounding crack against a trestle table laden with electronics.
The inside was packed with high-tech machinery and computers. A thick cable led from the machinery to the top of the structure, presumably the source of the magnetic energy. Also in situ were three more Robovikings and a very surprised Dr. Viking.
“FUCK YOU!” B-Man screamed his battle cry as he ran straight at Dr. Viking. A Roboviking jumped into the way and shouldered B-Man to the ground. Paddy whacked him in the head with a wicked right hook as the other two Robovikings rushed towards him. The one to his left managed to grab him in a bear hug from behind. Paddy popped out of existence and appeared behind his a fraction of a second later, he grabbed a laptop sitting on a bench and smashed it over the android’s head.
From the ground B-Man leapt up and dived at Dr. Viking.
“The nicest day of the year you BASTARD!”
Dr. Viking let a high pitched scream and dashed to the side, the remaining Roboviking shielding him.
“Vy can’t ve negotiate!” screamed Dr. Viking in terror as B-Man threw everything he could get his hands on at the Norwegian nincompoop.
Meanwhile Paddy walked up to the various pieces of machinery and was popping them out of existence and reappearing them somewhere close to the orbit of Neptune.
One of the Robovikings on the floor had regained consciousness and crawled behind the ruckus. It stood up and using its rocket feet smashed headfirst through the wall of the building. An escape route now open the remaining Roboviking picked up its master and rocketed off into the night at maximum velocity.
“BASTARD!!!” screamed B-Man at the retreating figures while running after them.
Paddy walked up behind him and laid his arm over B-Man’s shoulders.
“Ah now, B-Man, calm down a bit. Sure look, it should be nice again tomorrow.”
“I know! But… but… BASTARD!” he screamed at the sky again.
“I think I know what’ll make you feel a bit better.”
Paddy opened a wormhole and guided B-Man through; they emerged on the roof of Thomond Park on the halfway line just as the first kick of the game was taken. Paddy then popped in some beers from the fridge in the shed beside them and handed one to B-Man.
“Bad day alright, but sure let’s make a night of it.”