Pure Awkward |3| Clare People


How’s the form, lads? Tis jointed out here, isn’t it?

Ellen’s relatives arrived down today. Pure awkward, boy. I don’t know where to put myself. You know that feeling when people are visiting? You either want to hang out with them all the time or you want to head to your room and keep the head down. I sleep off the kitchen, like. I don’t have a choice. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, I was allergic all morning.

I was excited to see them coming in the end though. The mother is daycent. She’s some woman. She is always bringing down piles of food. Sorted, like! I like to see her coming. I can’t say much for the rest of them. The father is grand but he hasn’t much time for me. Pure businessman in his suit like. If you try and get his attention at all, he has no interest. He barely looks in your direction. He would put the fear of God inside you. I don’t really mind because the mother is all over me. She says I am as handsome. She’s only weak for me.

Anyway, the two brothers come in, Bob and Fred. Jaysus. Fred doesn’t like me one bit, boy. I’m always trying to get Fred to talk to me. He’s around the same age as myself but he has no interest. I mean, he’s in my house, like. He treats me like I’m diseased. I swear to God! That fella is septic! He’s a small enough fella, like but he’s pure handsome. Here I was, trying to lighten the mood. You know yourself? I headed into the front room to give him a look at this new game I have. Trying to get him interested like. I was like:

“Here! Take a sconce at this lad”

He had no interest. Wouldn’t even look me in the eye. Pure weirdo beardo. I mean what are you suppose to do with that like? Let it be said that I’m some trier. They always come down from Ennis and they are way too big for their boots. I mean the mortification of being from Ennis, like? I feel sorry for them. It’s not their fault, like. Clare people are weird. They’re no craic. Pure weird, being from the country like that. How do they cope at all? It must be like being from the midlands. Holy God. Can you imagine? Horrific. I told Millie yesterday, do you know the one who lives up the road from me? Sound girl. Anyway, she was like:

“Don’t mind him, sure he’s only a gowl. Coming down here from Clare, like he is someone. Why doesn’t he fuck back off up to Clare from himself. Fecking posh bastard.”

I wouldn’t mind like but he has a guzz eye and a gammy leg. Here he is giving me attitude. What a mog! He’s lucky I never asked him about his gammy leg! I mean, you can’t expect much like to be fair, they are from Clare. Sure ‘tis pure rough up there. Why would anyone want to live outside of Cork boy? Ballyphehane is pure daycent.

They stayed down for the whole day and I didn’t know where to put myself. One of the brothers, Bob, has a fierce temper. He looses the head if you are at him at all. Sure, I would be winding him up and he would rise to it every time. Fool.

I always look forward to them coming but then at the same time, it’s great when they are gone. The house isn’t your own when they’re there. You know yourself? It’s pure awkward.

Anyway, lad. I’m away home. I’ll be on to ye. Good luck!

Main Image via commons.wikimedia.org