The Honorary Hunzo | Female Bus Drivers to Make “Dublin Bus Great Again”

It was a typical Monday morning, and I mentally readied myself for the potential 15 minute transport delay that had integrally formulated part of my daily experience. The struggle was real. However both myself and the other old age pensioners of Marino were shook to the core, when a luminous bus shaped beacon of hope hurtled in our direction.

On Time?!

The elderly man behind me dropped his stick in shock, and we formed a well ordered line to clamber upon the bus. Sitting in the drivers seat was our heroine, a middle-aged brunette female driver. She smiled broadly at us all, welcoming us aboard, her teeth gleaming in the sunlight. The lady on the zimmer frame wept with gratitude as the wheelchair ramp was lowered down and she was assisted to her seat by the kind driver.

Gossip quickly filtered amongst the passengers. “A female bus driver?! On our route?! Where was mean chain smoker Frank whom we had to wait patiently on to smoke his 4 cigarettes. Or Heavy-Metal Mick who drowned out his suffering with obnoxiously loud Metallica. Who was this unearthly angel who had bequeathed Dublin 3 with her heavenly presence?

Upon reaching the city centre and finishing my relatively pleasant yet punctual journey, I noticed a strange phenomenon. At least three other female bus drivers drove past me, their buses carefully weaving amongst traffic, patiently waiting for pedestrians to cross without the usual abrupt honking of horns.

Upon a quick perusal of the Internet, I discovered that this was the work of the Employee and Equality Executive of Dublin Bus whom is also female.

We had various open days catered towards recruiting female drivers. Some myths have recently circulated which suggest that conditions on Dublin Bus are “unsafe” and “dirty”. We wish to assure all potential female recruits, that although these assertions are mostly correct, we are sure as prior Dublin Bus passengers you are accustomed to potential danger. Ladies, this is character building stuff, Let’s make Dublin bus great again. ”

– Anonymous Representative of Dublin Bus Employee and Equality division.

The new female bus battalion will face many perils; addicts, drunks, ticket fraudsters and gum spitters, to name but a few. They will have to navigate from the safety of the Southside, to the depths of the nebulous Northside. They will be forced to deal with dozy drivers and over zealous cyclists, who weave in and out of traffic as if they own the road.

Like brave soldiers they venture into the unknown, for the good of our country. They selflessly sacrifice themselves to enable society to function seamlessly. We pray that the new recruits will survive the trials and tribulations unscathed, retaining their warm kindred spirits. Behind every grumpy male bus driver, is a scared child who has suffered and seen too much.

We here at HeadStuff welcome this gender equality initiative, and wish the new drivers well.