The Honorary Hunzo | The Jax Tax Act 2019

Minister for Business Enterprise and Innovation, Heather Humphrey, aims to implement new legislation, which acts as a protective measure for fast food chains. The statute prevents non customers utilising restrooms without permission. Such “Flamboyant Freeloading” has cost the fast food industry thousands, with hundreds of new cleaning staff being employed nation wide to clean some of the most hideous messes imaginable.

Progressive companies like McDonalds, also cover their workers PTSD therapy sessions (which inevitably arise in most hospitality based roles), and found this also had to stretch to cover incoming contractual cleaning agency staff.

I have seen some things in those toilets… Things you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemies” 

– Jose Francisco, temporary cleaner at McDonalds

The Jax Tax Act 2019 is to be implemented in August of this year. As the name suggests higher VAT will be added to the costs of most foods on the McDonalds menu. This higher cost of produce will facilitate the creation of additional toilet cubicles, and the hiring of further staff.  The Act also safeguards against the potential abuse of fast food hospitality. 

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Section One Enables the restaurant to position armed guards at all toilets, along with vicious sniffer dogs to prevent non customers from entering the cubicles.

Section Two discusses the technology that will be utilised in the execution of this act.

  1. A potential breathalyser test that can be taken before using the bathrooms.  This cutting edge technology can differentiate curly fries from wedges, and chicken wraps from Big Macs. More importantly it can give readings on the quantity of food consumed.  The more money spent the more quality Jax time a customer potentially has.
  2. A complex laser beam filled hall, which customers must navigate utilising the riddles present on their receipts.

Section Three discusses potential punishment that may be imposed upon those who endeavour to use the toilets without paying. Punishment includes sniffer dog attack, tarring and feathering, and the use of a taser.

Overall this new policy suggests, contrary to popular belief, it is better in than out.