The Week on Twitter | Gene Wilder, Apple Tax, & How to Talk to a Woman Wearing Headphones

This week, acting legend Gene Wilder passed away, Apple didn’t pay their tax, and Beyoncé won all of the VMAs ever. We also pondered how to speak to a woman who is wearing headphones.

#GeneWilder dies, aged 83

You probably remember the first time you saw Mel Stuart’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I do. It was Christmas time and I was about 6 years old sitting in my nanny’s house nursing a box of Quality Street; watching Charlie Bucket peddle away from evil Arthur Slugworth, wash some clothes, eat some chocolate, and eventually arrive at the gates of Wonka’s chocolate factory.

I’d been enjoying the film a regular amount for a child watching a movie about a lifetime supply of chocolate when all she had left were a couple of questionable strawberry delights. That was, until, Gene Wilder appeared, hobbled down a walkway in the most fantastic purple velvet coat, lost his cane, stumbled, fell forward, and – in the most profound scam of the 20th century – turned that fall into a glorious somersault leaving the audience outside the gates of Wonka’s factory, and the audience at home stuffing her face, stunned.

The next time the film was on telly I told my mam she had to record it. I watched it, probably, 2 or 3 times a week for the next few months, meticulously skipping past the parts about the Bucket family, Veruca Salt’s bratiness, Mike Teavee’s general existence… Pretty much every scene that didn’t feature Wilder. His Wonka was all I wanted to watch.

I learned all of the words to all of his songs through pure osmosis. I egged him on when he pretended to give out to Charlie for screwing around with the fizzy lifting drink. I nodded in equivocal agreement when he informed Mr Salt that ‘candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker,’ as if I had even the slightest inclination as to what that actually meant. But it didn’t matter, I was enthralled, just like everybody else.

Gene Wilder passed away on Monday in his Connecticut home, surrounded by family and the music of Ella Fitzgerald. According to a statement issued by his nephew, Wilder had been suffering with Alzheimers for the past three years – a disease which he chose to keep from the public, and his young fans in particular, as he “simply couldn’t bear the idea of one less smile in the world.”

Alongside his portrayal of Mr Wonka, Wilder will also be remembered – and continuously adored – for his roles in Young Frankenstein, The Producers, and Blazing Saddles.

#Apple ordered to pay €13billion in taxes #AppleTax

On Tuesday morning, it was reported that Ireland was owed €13billion in back taxes from Apple. According to the European Commission, the tech company have dodged “virtually all tax on its business” in Ireland since 2003, with tax figures dropping as low as 0.005% in 2014.

However, although Brussels have ordered Ireland to recover what they are owed, Apple have decided to launch an appeal against the EU’s ruling. According to Apple CEO Tim Cook, no one in Ireland did anything wrong, and such a decision could jeopardise the safety of Apple employees in Ireland. Speaking to the Independent on Thursday, Cook also claimed that the ruling was nothing more than “political crap,” and that they would not have to pay because the company had always “played by the rules.”

And despite actually, y’know,  maybe needing that €13b, the government have also decided to appeal the commission’s ruling themselves. Minister for Finance Michael Noonan has stated that taking the back taxes would be “destroying the future for a short-term advantage.” He also claimed that the ruling could damage EU relations with the US.

Both appeals will ensure that, whatever the court outcome, the €13b will remain unavailable for many years.

#Beyoncé attends the #VMAs, wins everything

On Sunday, The VMAs returned to our tellys and, more importantly, to our Twitter feeds. It was a night of baby bumps, Britney lip-syncs, and lots and lots of Beyoncé. Some might even say that it was a night of artists winning awards for their music videos, but that reasoning has been defied by my timeline which seemed considerably more interested in whatever Drake said about Rihanna, and also Blue Ivy’s look (it was a good look).

However, if you are in anyway music video inclined you should be glad (or horrified, what do I know) to find that Beyoncé’s Formation won video of the year, Beyoncé’s Hold Up won best female video, and Beyoncé’s Lemonade won best long form video.

Some things that Beyoncé didn’t win were best collaboration, best rock video, and best electronic video; awards that went to Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign, twenty one pilots, and Calvin Harris respectively (but I still think they should have all gone to Beyoncé too).

Anyway, here are some tweets about how glorious Beyoncé is.

‘How To Talk To a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones’… Don’t Dan, just don’t

This week, a piece outlining how to forcibly ensure a woman who you have never met before talks to you on the street because you find her attractive popped up on everybody’s timelines. The article, entitled ‘How to talk to a woman who is wearing headphones’ was written by Dan Bacon – the kind of guy who sits around writing think-pieces about why his heartless ex-girlfriend won’t text him back… No, really. He does.

However, this particular piece is about talking to a girl you have never met before even though she is listening to music and probably (definitely) doesn’t want to talk to you which, if anything, at least shows that Dan is kinda, sort of, getting over his ex?

According to Bacon, although some women do not like to being approached by weird men in the street, the majority of them will be more than happy to remove their earphones to have a pleasant chat with you, a stranger, who was just oogling them from afar, a mere two minutes ago.

Dan provides a handy step-by-step guide to approaching the casual woman just minding her own business. The man must stand with 1.5 metres (oddly specific) between him and said woman, the man must exude confidence, the man must gesture “simply” (because women are silly, remember?) that the woman remove her headphones, and – maybe the most important step – the man must not give up too easily! because what gal doesn’t love a sleazy guy interrupting her chill to tell her that he needs her number?

Unsurprisingly, lots of people on Twitter weren’t too impressed by Bacon’s foolproof model, and they took to their accounts to express this fact.

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