TopicalTopical Features

Scarlet Recap #4 | Kevin Spacey, Tom Humphries, & Gemma Collins

By Kaz Twomey

It’s been a month since we last met to discuss all things that go mort in the night.

In that time Hollywood has been cancelled, Hurricane Ophelia wiped out Ireland’s off licences, Gemma Collins fell off a stage, Simon Cowell fell down some stairs, Kevin Spacey fell off the earth, and I fell in love. With Taika Waititi.

Look at this glorious man.

Taika Watiti - HeadStuff.org
Image source

While you investigate every inch of this face, I’ll carry on with this scarlet recap from the past month, which let’s face it, has felt like a year.

Harvey & The House of Perverts

Law & Order SVU looks like a comedy compared to what’s going on in Hollywood.

Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Dustin Hoffman, Ben Affleck, Andy Dick, Terry Richardson, David Guillod, Steven Segal, James Toback, Brett Ratner, Jeremy Piven, Bob Weinstein, Roy Price and Danny Masterson.

Just some of the powerful men in Hollywood who have been exposed for being sexual predators. As the allegations of sexual abuse continue to unravel around Hollywood and beyond, an older man I know told me that he was feeling exhausted by the whole thing. It was all getting a bit much for him. He looked visibly annoyed by it. It took every scarlet bone in my body to not break into hysterical laughter, put on my witch costume and start reciting every account of sexual harassment I’ve ever heard from a female friend. But instead I just said, ‘welcome to being a woman’. A line I’ve said about 400 times in the past month.

I don’t have time to be sitting down every fella I know and breaking the news to them that since the beginning of time the world has been set up against women. Mate, you’re exhausted from reading OTHER people’s stories about sexual harassment, while most women are reliving their own. Stories we haven’t told or written. Stories that don’t always define us but have shaped us. Stories we only tell each other. Stories that men ignored. Until now.

So, sit the fuck down and listen to them. Scarlet for your privilege.

Stand in Awe of all Mna

Ah, the scarlet’s never too far from our own shores.

In news that shocked no one in the Irish arts world, Michael Colgan, former director of The Gate Theatre, was also exposed for his disturbing behaviour towards women. Theatre Director, Grace Dyas, first wrote publicly about Colgan, in this brilliantly written piece about some of her experiences with him.

Many more women came after Grace to expose Michaels behaviour including, Ciara Elizabeth Smith, who describes going to the office of the theatre manager, David Quinlan, to inform him about the humiliating harassment she experienced from Michael, including him slapping her arse in front of colleagues so hard that he left a mark.

“I rang the Theatre Manager, David Quinlan, and made an appointment   to meet with him during lunchtime that day. When I walked into David’s office and closed the door, I realised I was crying. I explained to David, in detail what had happened.

As I spoke, the colour drained from his face and he became noticeably more reserved. He asked had I told Michael not to do that. Yes, I said. He then told me that I needed to make my “boundaries clear” with Michael. I asked why David thought that I needed to tell Michael that he shouldn’t hit me.

David said something to the effect of if it happened, of course he shouldn’t hit me. Ignoring this comment, I asked what I could do as I didn’t want this to happen again. I was told I could write a letter of complaint, which would go to The Gate Board and they may decide a course of action. “But Michael is on the board” I said. “Yes”, he said. I left his office.”

But Colgan it seems is only the tip of a very murky ice berg in Irish media. Journalist and Doctor, Ciara Kelly took to twitter to ask victims of an unnamed prominent Irish media figure to come forward so together they can bring down the man she has called the “Irish Harvey Weinstein”. The twitter thread about him is so chilling it looks like it’s straight out of a Stephen King novel.

You can read the full thread here. 

Raping women. Beating women. Locking them in cars. Almost no Irish media have covered these stories due to Irelands strict libel laws and media lovey protection. No legal ramifications may ever come for these men. The Irish Harvey Weinstein may never be publicly named (although it is known within media circles who he is). But, as always, trolls online are quick to put the women on trial.

Why didn’t they tell it sooner? Why is it only coming out now? Why tell people on twitter and not the police? Why did she continue to work with him? How did he get away with it if he abused that many people?

Because, THE WORLD IS SET UP TO PROTECT POWERFUL MEN! If you don’t already know this, I’d suggest making a cup of tea, sitting in a dark room and googling Donald Trump. Also, if you’re first reaction is to question the women and not the systematic discrimination put in place to silence them, then, you are part of the problem as to why more women don’t come forward sooner or at all.

‘Disgraced Irish Journalist Is A Convicted Paedophile’

That’s what the Irish Times headline on Tom Humphries should have been after he was convicted of child molestation. Instead, the times ran an article on their former employee that read, ‘Acclaimed Sports Writer With Controversial Views.’ GRIM.

In further proof that Dick Wolf is producing 2017, Tom Humphries only received 2.5 years in prison after pleading guilty to six charges of child molestation. TWO AND HALF YEARS. In a victim impact statement, the victim, who was sexually groomed and molested by Humphries from the ages of 14-16, said Humphries had left her feeling suicidal and suffering flashbacks.

Because he was well known and his reputation was ruined, Judge O’Connor said it was difficult not to have sympathy for HUMPHRIES “in relation to his current station.” Proving just how far being a powerful man in the media can get you.

Mattie McGrath Mesmerises

In other news, Ireland moves one step closer to an abortion referendum after the cross-party committee set up to discuss the findings of another committee, voted not to retain the 8th amendment in full. Not being able to contain himself at the thought of women having choice over their bodies, Independent TD Mattie McGrath stormed out of the 8th committee but not before constantly interrupting the women of the committee, by declaring he wasn’t interrupting them. He finished off his scarlet masterclass by mesmerizing everyone with his impression of a middle-aged baby.

Watch the charade below. Fair warning, some viewers may need subtitles to understand what the fuck Mattie is saying. Here’s a general transcript I did using a scarlet decoder.

Mattie: “I want that retracted that I mesmerized anybody. I’ve never mesmerized anyone in my life. I’d actually be physically incapable of mesmerizing anyone. Abortions bad. Mesmerize. Mesmerize. This is a charade. Mesmerize. Hail Mary full of grace. I will not pick up my toys. I’m going home. Ye can mesmerize yerselves”

Once word got out to the Scarlet Apostles that an abortion referendum was looming, they sent EACH member of the 8th committee a framed photo of the main man himself, Jesus, getting the shift. To prove they weren’t messing around they also included an excommunication form for the Catholic Church.

The effort people go to be scarlet can never be underestimated.

Gemma Collins Is A Living Meme

In a bid to save 2017, reality star Gemma Collins fell off a stage. I’m genuinely not sure who she is but I respect her ongoing commitment to mort.

And proving good people still exist, someone made a video of it to titanic music. I only like two types of people in this world. People who make videos like this and people who turn them into memes. Everyone else is pointless.

The Lion Queen

My next article will be written from the great beyond because I am now deceased after finding out that Beyoncé & Donald Glover are going to be in the live action re make of Lion King. Although, why Blue Ivy can’t play Simba is beyond me.  

https://twitter.com/DisneyStudios/status/925853232697446400

Right, I’m off to finish my vision board for 2018, which at the moment just consists of pictures of me and Taika Waititi.

Feature Image Source

Kaz Twomey 7 posts 0 comments

Kaz has a PHD in all things scarlet and runs a satirical blog Scarlet Brigade to prove this. She also co-founded international activist group Repeal Global and will co host the upcoming podcast Rag Against The Machine. When she's not writing about herself in the 3rd person she works in film and is a freelance writer and comedian. She is also the founder, president and sole member of the Ja Rule appreciation society.

You might also like More from author