The Week on Twitter | Ched Evans, Marmite, & Bob Dylan

This week, the UK lost Marmite, Ched Evans was acquitted, and the budget was announced. Bob Dylan also won the Nobel Prize for Literature and divided the world.

#ChedEvans acquitted of rape charges

In 2011, Premier League footballer Ched Evans was accused of raping a drunk woman in a hotel room. In 2012, he was found guilty of the attack and was sentenced to five years in prison. In April of this year, it was reported that Evans’ conviction had become invalid and that he would be entitled to a retrial in October. This trial took place on Friday afternoon and saw Evans walk free. His charges were acquitted after two men gave ‘evidence’ concerning Evans’ accuser’s sexual history.

Many (awful) people decided to use Evans’ acquittal as an excuse to attack any woman who decides to speak out against sexual assault. They celebrated, they cheered, and they gloated that that filthy lying bitch had finally been found out. Justice had been served, they said. The truth was finally out.

The truth, it seems, now comes in the form of a woman’s former partners showing up to court and discussing her sexual history. As if that would shed some light on what happened in the Premier Inn in 2011. As if it had any relevance whatsoever. Former solicitor general Vera Baird spoke out against the court’s decision to allow these two men as witnesses, stating that it was totally irrelevant to the case.

“We’ve gone back, I’m afraid, probably about 30 years,” she said.

The court heard that Evans had entered the woman’s hotel room, had sex with her, and then left through a fire escape – all without speaking to her. The jury were also told that two men were outside the room attempting to film what was happening inside.

Evans stated that he is very relieved to have been found innocent.

#BobDylan wins #NobelPrize for Literature

This week, it was reported that Bob Dylan had won the Nobel Prize for literature. According to the Academy, Dylan won the award for “having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition.”

Lots of people were delighted with this win, as they like Bob Dylan, enjoy his music an amount, and think that he deserved it. Lots of other people were not delighted with his win, because they don’t think that music is poetry, and they like Haruki Murakami way better.

#Marmite removed from Tesco’s online store, people freak out #Unilever 

On Thursday, Tesco removed Marmite from their website and the UK descended into chaos. Street fights broke out, fires were started, supermarkets were burned to the ground. Those who still had Marmite in their cupboards locked their doors and armed themselves with various cooking implements, waiting and ready for the inevitable mob of ‘Mite hunters that were soon to descend on their homes.

Tesco’s decision arose from a ongoing dispute between Marmite manufacturer Unilever. The company want to increase their prices in Britain due to the recent significant drop in the pound’s value. Tesco rejected this and instead removed all Unilever products from their website.

Other products currently not on the site are Pot Noodle, Ben & Jerry’s, Hellmanns, Viennetta (!), and Vaseline.

The products are still available to buy in store.

Noonan announces #Budget2017

On Tuesday, the budget was announced. The Universal Social Charge was cut, pensioners are going to get an extra 5er a week, and so are job seekers. A new animal welfare system is to be introduced, 800 new Gardaí are going to be recruited, and minimum wage went up by 10c. A Help to Buy housing scheme was introduced, and so was a cap on prescriptions for over 70s.

Lots of other things were included in the budget too. You can read about them here.

Alternatively, you can take a look at the Budget 2017 hashtag on Twitter. There’s a lot of pictures of sheep. It’s nice. Unlike the budget, according to some people.

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