Pure Awkward |5| Sick

Lads! What’s the story?

How goes it? Here, I’ve had some week. I’ve been dying from an ear infection and a cold. I never thought I’d recover. I thought I was near the end, boy. I’m on antibiotics and the whole lot. Wait till you hear the reason why! Sure I was locked outside, wasn’t I? Not one person was looking for me. Not a single one. The girls didn’t even notice I was gone, like! I was out the back and sure I was drenched!  I stood out there for hours like a fool with the rain boppin’ off my head, like. The shed door was bolted and the whole shebang, so I couldn’t even hop the feckin’ wall. Disaster, boy! I was sopping wet when I came in and it was Kate that found me. If I was her, now, I would have been mortified at the fact that I didn’t even notice my housemate missing. To be fair, she was pretty upset, like. When she saw how wet I was and then, when I was after getting sick, she was devastated. I was shaking and the whole lot. I think Anna and Ellen were making Kate feel bad because she keeps making me things and bringing me over the blanket when I’m on the couch. She’s awks about the whole thing. To be fair, like, I am only as sick as I am because she locked the door and was upstairs with her music on, like.

The girls are all over me now, after the hospital. I’m pure afraid of the place. The smell is horrific, boy and I’m allergic to the doctors. You know yourself. Jesus, I was actually haunted to get out of there alive! Kate came with me, in all fairness, like, she dropped me there. The doctors are pure strange. My doctor now is called Dec and he is always havin’ a feel off me. Half the time I wonder what the story is? He’s not one bit sympathetic, like. I’d say my ear infection now is probably one of the most severe ones you could get, like. Sure he gave no indication that he cared. As I was leaving he told me I should think about losing a bit of weight. Imagine, cheeky bastard! Here I am, sick as a plane to Lourdes and he’s havin’ a go about losing weight. Jog on! I’ve been locked outside in the feckin’ rain! I won’t be long losin’ weight with how sick I am. He wrecks my head!

The girls are all over me now, with me being so sick. They are bringing me food and treats and the whole lot. I never said a word about what the doc said. Sure, he is only manorexic, like. Obsessed, boy. Your wan up the road from me, Millie, was only saying to me the other day that I was pure haunted to have the girls lookin’ after me, like.  Sure the way I see it, aren’t they right to? All that I put up with, in all fairness.

I hardly managed to get out here lads. I didn’t think I’d have the energy. I had the gawks all night after the medication. It was desperate. I’m as sick as a small hospital. I swear to God, I thought it was my last night. There I was crawling along the feckin’ kitchen floor, gasping for a bit of water, like. Holy God, ye have no idea.

Anyway, listen, I’m away anyway, lads. I wish I could balm out here now in the sun but I must keep up my strength. I’m wrecked. Anna is making me my favourite dinner and I’m goin’ to wrap up warm on the couch. I have all the feckin’ luck, let me tell ya. Sure, listen, chalk it down. Chalk it feckin’ down.

Main Image via lesliejonesbooks.com