Pompeii – review
The Paul Anderson movie output has been among the most inconsistent of all movie outputs. But I’ve figured out a code that I’m generously going to let you in on. The middle initial is a lot more important than you may think. When it’s ‘T’ (for Thomas) it’s probably going to be one of the films of the year. However, when it’s ‘W.S’ (for William Scott) it’s the opposite – a big player at the Razzies.
The words Paul W.S. Anderson appear at the beginning of Pompeii. I tried to go in with an open mind, which is difficult due to it being clogged with clangers like Death race, The Three Musketeers and far too many Resident Evil films. At the same time Event Horizon wasn’t too bad (seventeen years ago) and I’m a huge fan of ancient Rome.
I went in hopeful. The augurs of Rome would have seen ‘Paul W.S. Anderson’ as a bad omen, but the show must go on. The film opens with a quote from the ever-quotable Pliny The Younger: “You could hear the shrieks of women, the wailing of infants, and the shouting of men…” This is pretty much where Anderson gives up on historical accuracy.
Actually, I take that back. At the beginning I was quite impressed with it all. The sets seemed quite good, the brutality of the oppressors, (some of) the costumes, the sheer power and wealth of the Romans at that time. That was all done quite well. And I have to say Pompeii was looking well too, despite being geographically in the wrong place. In this film Pompeii is situated about where Herculaneum was, probably because they liked the idea of the people being trapped between the volcano and the sea.
Then it all changed because, ohhh-eee, does Paul W.S. Anderson like a spectacle?
Yes. An overblown spectacle he is quite fond of, indeed.
At the beginning of the film I thought he was trying to remake Gladiator and was doing an okay job at the rip-off. Then he sprinkled in some of the abs and fights from 300 and Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Then he added Dante’s Peak. Then he took away everything that was good about Gladiator. And we’re left with a story about a very kind, generous, beautiful, healthy, mentally and emotionally unharmed man with perfect teeth and facial stubble who has been a prisoner and slave forced to fight for his life for the last seventeen years (hey, that’s how long ago Anderson made Event Horizon). And a woman who is rich and Roman (though thinks she’s not Roman and, along with all the other Pompeians (again, Romans) detests Rome). The perfect man, who really would never have met a woman who wasn’t his mother who died seventeen years ago, and the rich Roman, (who thinks she’s not Roman) beautiful woman fall madly in love because the perfect slave man kills a horse. In the end, yes, SPOILER ALERT, they sacrifice themselves to save a different horse. (It doesn’t happen on screen but the horse will probably die too). Then there’s an incredibly cheesy 360 shot of the pair kissing eternally as cast in stone by the falling ash and pumice.
While I’m on about the woman; Cassia’s character comprised of (A) she’s pretty, (B) she hates Rome (did I mention that Pompeii was very much part of Rome?) and (C) she liked her horse. Now, I’m all for women’s rights. I’m all for people’s rights. People’s rights are people’s rights not matter who the people are (bar criminals, they need less rights). But Rome wasn’t. Women basically had no rights. Maybe this is Anderson’s liberal side not allowing the Romans to get the better of his flat characters, and fair play to him, fight the good fight, Anderson. But his claim for historical accuracy certainly takes a hit when a woman is ordering soldiers, senators and all sorts of other men around. Plus, Emily Browning who plays Cassia does have wonderful legs, agreed, but that doesn’t mean you constantly have her in posing in ways to get them out. Romans liked sex but they still had class.
Sorry if I spoiled the film for you. But I didn’t really. At the end of the day, if you like Rome or history or good filmmaking you probably won’t like this. However, if you want to go to the cinema and eat popcorn and watch fire sail through the sky and hit people in Pompeii, then you might quite like it.
It’s also very gentle. Pompeii was basically the brothel capital of Italy, and the Romans loved their sex, just look up all the frescoes, mosaics and graffiti – sex everywhere. They were also a fairly brutal people; they did see a lot of blood. However, the filmmakers have decided that a modern audience would not like to be exposed to that in quite the same way, so there’s none of that lewd graffiti or any sexy things really, and people are killed by knocks or gashes as opposed to decapitations and deep gushing wounds and amputations.
By the time the whole spectacle reached the level of farce that Anderson was striving for, the gladiator (not Russell Crowe) and his black slave friend (not Djimon Hounsou) are saying goodbye in the arena (they go back there) and the perfect hero man says, “I’ll see you again, brother” and the guy who wasn’t Djimon Hounsou almost said, “but not yet. Not yet.” Then the sexy hero gladiator goes on a madcap chariot chase and has a fight with Senator Corvus who is played by Jack Bauer
Here’s another quote that I’m not sure if it was in the movie or if I made it up: “The child who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied a senator. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to die kissing the hot rich girl while Mt. Vesuvius turns you into stone figures?”
The volcano erupting looks good.
