I love the word Boob. I don’t mind saying it. It’s a great word. And not just because it describes a wonderful womanly feature. I like the word itself. It sounds nice. Say it aloud to yourself there. Don’t worry about where you are. Are you in a library? Or work? At home with your mother, wife, sister, daughter? Just say the word boob. Doesn’t it sound nice? Is it 2002 when you’re reading this? Are you in an internet café? Say the word boob aloud. Isn’t it fun to say? It’s a great noise.

I think ‘b’ is a good letter to begin a word with. It’s a satisfying purse of the lips, it really feels like the beginning of something. And then you take the lips from that close-together state and blow them out to a lovely O, a circle like the next two letters in the word and you hold it for the length of two letters, two beats; o o. And then to finish it all off you bring those lips back together again which is the perfect way to end the word. Back where you started. A perfect circle. It starts strong, has a solid, fun midsection, and then it ends strong. It really is the word that gives you everything you need.

How about the look of the word? Starts nice and solid with a flat straight line – |. Then a loop or two (depending on capital letters and then the next two letters are loops, then a nice line to signify the end of the word… with one more cheeky loop for good measure: Boob. You could also do it with three 8s.

When you’re a terrifying, violent man with an axe and you like to kill people, you shout “ARGHEGHTKADJB%&@” before you strike. Or maybe you say nothing, you’re carbon monoxide, the silent killer. But one thing’s for sure, if you’re not really a violent bastard and you’re just having fun, trying to give someone a playful little fright, you say ‘boo’.

Boo is also fun to say. It’s three quarters of the word boob, and three quarters as fun to say as boob. Boo is all well and good, but boob also has that pleasant ending – another ‘b’. Brilliant. So it’s a palindrome. Which is great. The great word has an extra feature. Then it’s a level word, same one way and the other, a good word to keep on your radar when thinking of the fairer of the two sexes. The previous sentence had three more palindromes for your enjoyment, but are any of them as exciting or fun as ‘boob’? No, clearly not. Also, not all palindromes are great – I’m looking at you, Navan. And who else thinks that the word that means palindrome should itself be a palindrome? What about palinnilap?

a designer's image of lego block boobs, graphic design -
Writing about ‘boob’ reminded me of this great button image Eimear Gavin made for a Stephen James Smith poem on HeadStuff.

You see something you like – or something is cute/adorable/at-first-confusing-but-then-understandable/exciting/appetizing/or a whole list of other wonderful adjectives – you say “oooooo(h)”. Because it’s 2014 and we don’t use our words so well anymore. Well, oo is just the middle section of boob. Of course, one of the most uttered phrases for a teenage boy is “ooooo boobs”. This also opens up the possibility that you could be attempting to playfully scare a female friend of yours who you fancy, so you hide in her room while she’s in the shower. Your scare causes her to freak out and her towel drops to the floor so you end up saying, “Boo, ooo, boobs!”

Then she slaps you, again playfully (she fancies you too), but with some venom for giving her a fright, and then you both laugh, and then you probably kiss and have sex and live happily ever after. All because of that b and that o.

It’s an absolute fact that you can’t make a bad word out of the parts of boob. Here are all your options: bobo, oobb, bboo, obob, obbo. Great constructions each one of them. And possibly we should apply meaning to them all.

Bobo: A sport with a countless number of soft balls in which everyone has fun and no one loses.

Oobb: The dribble that finds it way out of your mouth when you see the nicest boobs ever.

Bboo: When you jeer someone for no other reason than you’re intoxicated beyond rational thought.

Obob: When you’re eating something that makes you think of absolutely nothing except the taste in your mouth. A sort of taste-triggered zen.

Obbo: Like an oboe but slightly more boob-shaped. Orgasmic sounding.


While we’re at it, the word ‘breast’ sucks. It should be used for chicken dinner, certain types of small birds, and maybe a specific word for the winner of the best bread prize at the annual bread awards. Boob should be the conventional word, and the scientific word. In circumstances where you have already used the word boob an inordinate amount of times (like this article) the word tit should be used. Failing that: fun bag. Then: Baby feeder (only in extreme circumstances).

Let’s think a little bit about other forms of the great word. Boob, we’ve covered (like a bra, am I right?). Boobs, same idea, not a palindrome, but two is better than one. So a great word. Boobies – like boobs but funner. This is used for the giddier boob moments. Booby trap: Bra again! Am I right? Boober doesn’t mean anything but it’s also a good word.

So, there you have it. I think we can all agree it’s a great word.

Let me know what words you like below in the comments, and why.