None of the plays attributed to Shakespeare were written by Shakespeare. We know this. It’s fact. The earth revolves around the sun, 2+2=4, Shakespeare was a disgusting fraud. These are the foundations upon which civilisation is built. What is less commonly known is that every single one of Shakespeare’s plays was written by a different person/group of things/collective alien entity. This week, we’ll be proving through close textual analysis that Much Ado About Nothing was actually written by Jerry Seinfeld & Larry David.
Yes, THE Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, creators of Seinfeld. What most people (everyone except me and now also you, dear reader) don’t know is that before Seinfeld & David brought the pilot for The Seinfeld Chronicles to NBC in 1989 they wrote an off-broadway play called Much Ado About Nothing which explored many of the themes later covered by Seinfeld and featured early versions of many much-loved Seinfeld characters. After Seinfeld became a hit, Seinfeld & David decided to claim that Much Ado About Nothing was a Shakespeare play, knowing full well that Shakespeare was a deluded egomaniac who regularly took credit for other people’s work. Shakespeare, conniving little creep that he is, readily claimed Much Ado About Nothing as his own. However, if you read the play, really read it, its true authorship is revealed.
Take for instance, the play’s original tagline: Much Ado About Nothing – A Play About Nothing. Seinfeld & David returned to this idea when Jerry Seinfeld (the character) claimed that Seinfeld was “a show about nothing”. That’s pretty persuasive right? Right.
The plot of Much Ado About Nothing hinges on very shallow people falling in and out of love due to minor misunderstandings and petty squabbles. This is also the premise of Seinfeld.
Look at this piece of dialogue with an open mind, heart, and spirit and tell me that it doesn’t remind you of Seinfeld:
Much Ado About Nothing Act I Scene I
Claudio: What is all this ado about nothing???
Just as Jerry Seinfeld has a nemesis in Newman, so does Claudio in Borachio
Act II Scene III
Claudio: Hello Borachio
Borachio: Hello Claudio
Probably the most famous scene in Much Ado About Nothing is the one where Hero goes to her father Leonato to find out what all the ado is about and maybe get some ado for herself. However, Leonato is in a bad mood and Hero does not address him with the respect he feels he deserves. See if you can spot an ancestor of a famous Seinfeld episode in this exchange:
Act V Scene II
Hero: I…think I want some ado but I don’t know what kind, I dunno, I…hmmm…what’s good
Leonato: NO ADO FOR YOU
And of course there’s the end of Act III where Claudio, Hero, Benedick, and Beatrice decide to have a contest to see who can go the longest without causing any ado. Act IV begins with Benedick slamming some doubloons down on a table and shouting “I’m out!”
Not convinced yet? You’re a dick. Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it to. But listen, there’s more. Remember the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry sees William Shakespeare at a party and tells Jeff that him and Jerry Seinfeld actually wrote Much Ado About Nothing and then it gets back to Shakespeare that Larry’s taking credit for it? It shouldn’t surprise you to hear that it’s based on the true story behind Much Ado About Nothing. Who can forget the climatic scene when Shakespeare confronts Larry?
Shakespeare: Larry you fuck, why are you telling people you wrote my play?
Larry: Well, Jerry and I did kind of write it. We-
Cheryl: Larry, why would you take credit for Will’s work?
Shakespeare: Yeah Larry, how would you like it if I went around saying I came up with the idea for Seinfeld?
Larry: EVERYONE KNOWS I CREATED SEINFELD AND I DID WRITE MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. YOU WROTE NONE OF YOUR PLAYS! YOU’RE A THIEF. A DIRTY THIEF. I CAN’T EVEN-
Susie: LARRY YOU FUCKING FUCK I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU’RE TALKING TO WILL LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCK
(THEY ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING)
Curb Your Enthusiasm Theme fades in.
It’s kind of a mindblowing peek behind the curtain of show business now that you know the true story behind it right?
Anyway, to summarise: Jerry Seinfeld & Larry David wrote Much Ado About Nothing. William Shakespeare is a jerk who isn’t above playing himself in HBO comedies. Stay Woke.