On This Day | October 5th

October 5th, known to the Romans as October Vthius, is a special day as approximately 1/365 of the world’s population celebrate their birthday today! Happy Birthday to all 19,178,082 of you! Here’s your birthday horoscope, some facts about things that happened on your birthday, and also which celebrities share your birthday! How exciting!

Your Birthday Horoscope – Libra

Libra Icon - HeadStuff.org
via mysitemyway.com

Happy Birthday Libra, today you will feel nervous as it approaches three o’clock because you think that your co-workers have forgotten your birthday. It’s just as you suspected, they really do secretly hate you, why did you ever think you could make it in the cutthroat world of kitten parade logistics and underwriting? But you know what Libra? They haven’t forgotten so just get out of your head for a minute and enjoy the tea and cake.

Mars is strong in the area of the sky controlled by your bit of the zodiac or whatever which means you might be leading a squadron of untested but fiercely loyal cadets into battle any day now. What’s that you say? You don’t know why you’d be in command of a squadron? Me either buddy but that’s what Mars says, and what Mars says,  goes in this town. Zodiac Town. It’s a place where people come to forget their troubles but they always find new ones…here…in Zodiac Town. Now you kid, you’re a Libra, and Libras are the law around here. We’re firm believers in astrological determination here in the Big ZT; Libras are cops, Sagittarians are hunters and Leos live wild in the Serengeti district..the Serengeti district…of Zodiac Town. Mars also says to ring your mother.

Venus says that someone has a crush on you, someone married perhaps? Don’t listen to Venus though, Venus is a known shitstirrer Libra. Stick with me. Who am I? Let’s just say I’m *puff of smoke*

October 5th In History

1961 John Lennon plays Paul McCartney his first original song, Ridin’ Dirty. Paul, the nice one, is horrified by the very concept of ridin’ dirty and it brings the young Beatles, then known as No Way Sis, to the brink of collapse. John points out that Paul wrote a song about seducing seventeen-year old girls. Paul asks “Which one?”. John says, “I Saw Her Standing There”. Paul says “Oh yeah, fair enough. We’re even” and musical history breathes a sigh of relief. In his 1986 autobiography Actually He Was A Great Drummer, Said Thomas Ringo revealed that he has no recollection of this event as he was doing a difficult jigsaw at the time.

1265 King Flootle of Tootle glootled the dootles at the Bootle of Nootle. No Pootles were hootled.

Topless Prince Charles - HeadStuff.org
A confused and oxygen-deprived Prince Charles removes his shirt after ninety minutes of forgetting to exhale. via llamoco

1988 Prince Charles forgets to exhale for two hours. Witnesses report that the prince seems “quite red-faced, even for him” and that he “kept trying to take a drink of water but it was just dribbling all over the place even more than usual.” The  prince’s staff did notice that he hadn’t exhaled for some time but assumed that, as heir to the throne, he probably knew what he was doing. Disaster was averted when Princess Diana (RIP) punched him in the stomach on an unrelated matter of little historical value.

2013  Lana Del Rey releases the lead single from her second album, Kill Me In The Viper Rooms. Critics claim that it’s “too soon”.

1995 Alex James of Blur drinks champagne, ingests cocaine, and enjoys some form of sexual release.

1954 Sex is invented. “This is great,” claims someone who had sex but is dead now. Statistically, everyone who had sex in 1954 is dead now.

1807 Cowboys officially become Cowmen as the third amendment to the US Constitution is passed. There are emotional scenes outside Congress as Cowmen do lasso tricks, eat beans from cans, and overturn tables and glare at each other.

October 5th Celebrity Birthdays

Many celebrities have October 5th birthdays. They think they’re so special but they’re not.

Header Image via morrisonhotelgallery.com