Pure Awkward |8| Sausages

Ah Lads, bad old times to be fair. I didn’t think I’d get out, like. I’ve had the gawks all yesterday and a bit today if I’m honest, like. I was after going to the fridge there on Wednesday night. I was starving, boy. You know yourself when you need a bit of grub, like. I was lookin’ for something pure tasty now like some chicken or some ham in the fridge. Anyway, sure didn’t I only score and find sausages! Delicious. Anyway I ate them away and the next thing I woke up and I was after poisoning myself. To be fair like, the girls shouldn’t have left them out. Of course I’m going to eat it, like. I’m a fella. Jesus. I was as sick as a bus to Lourdes! I was puking and the whole lot. Jesus, I thought I’d die.

You’d think they felt pure sorry for me. Here I am puking and everything and they were raging. Because I ate the sausages there was no breakfast and Kate had her boyfriend coming round, like. I kept it to myself now but the boyfriend has no place with his fat head inside in my fridge. I wanted to say, didn’t I do ye all a favour, clearly they were gone off! I got sick in the kitchen anyway. I didn’t make it to the toilet in time. Jesus, it was awful. I was retching and the whole lot! After the chicken ball incident with Kate, she said she had lost her patience with me. I thought we were well over that but apparently not. She is still raging over it. First the chicken balls and now this! That’s what she said. Here I am vomiting all over the shop and she’s bringing up chicken balls from a week ago! I swear to God, like. Ellen was pure nice to me. When Kate stormed off, she was getting me water and had me lie down on the couch. She was the only one who felt bad about leaving sausages in the fridge. I mean to be fair, imagine the shock I was in? I was happy out eating the sausages and now here I was, in bits!

To top the whole thing off Anna kept on saying that my weight was out of control. Imagine! Somebody saying that to your face, like? She said I didn’t need any more sausages. Talk about a low blow, like. I have a heavy build, like. I get it from my Da. I’d say she was only raging because she has no boyfriend of her own. I was starving then after a while of lying there. You know how it is lads? Sure, I practically had to stand by the fridge to get anyone of the girls to make me something. I was wasting away, like. Nobody understands what it is to live with girls. Tis’ hard work. Anyway, Ellen was pure nice to me then on the couch this afternoon and she wrapped me up in a big blanket and the whole lot. I suppose there’s that.

Listen, I better head. I feel the ham I ate earlier repeating on me.

Main image via wikipedia